Strong Boy

My feelings and thoughts:
I think over the last week things have really started to set in for me about having a child who is in the hospital. None of us ever imagine what it will be like to have to go and visit your child in the hospital day after day, make phone calls to check in before you go to bed and first thing you do in the mornings, sleep so little and lightly in fear that you will miss your phone ringing. I never imagined having to do this and then to keep strong and stay positive when all you are is afraid. But just when I am at breaking point or breaking, something wonderful happens that again lifts my spirits and helps me to realize that I have to be strong and positive regardless of hard each day is. Christmas morning was a real breaking point for me, I am not sure what set it off or what happened but all I could do was cry. I just wanted my sweet daughter to spend Christmas with her brother, I wanted my sweet boy in my tummy or home with our family, I didn’t want to be in the hospital celebrating his first Christmas I wanted him to be home. My baby was almost 2 weeks old, I had not held him close to me or kissed his sweet face, we hadn’t snuggled up close and looked into each other’s eyes…why did this happen to us? He is just so sweet and does not deserve to be alone and hooked up to all these machines, I just want you to come home.
Asher Dale: fortuate, blessed, happy
I had intended to start sharing all the milestones we have met, but since today was our first “down” day since he was born I need to start with today. As I was heading to the hospital today, DR E called me to give me an update on Asher…he wanted me to know that Asher was back under the billi rubin lights. Last week his levels were down to a 2 so they removed all the lights and placed him in a different bed, he was also finally able to wear little shirts and be swaddled, we were so excited. But his levels were up to a 9, a level they are able to manage with light therapy but still fairly high (a level of 11 is when there is more concern), although this might not be a huge setback if the therapy works it is still so hard to see your poor baby just lying there under these lights, he looks so uncomfortable. He has grown so used to being all swaddled up and cozy. This was also a setback due to the fact that I had my first skin to skin session with Asher on Saturday, it was the most amazing experience and I was looking forward to sitting with him against me for the most part of today but with the light therapy he is only to be out of the lights for an hour per day. Dr E also heard a bit of a murmur in his heart and ordered an EKG for today, one of our nurses had actually told us she thought she had heard one a few days ago so we knew that this was a possibility. My fear was that the Patent Ductus Arteriosus (PDA) was not or had not closed properly and that he might need surgery or worse. But the good news was that after many hours of waiting, Asher received his EKG and the PDA is closing properly and is almost closed which is part of which is causing the murmur something about the valves echoing off one another so at this point they will not have to do anything but wait to make sure if finishes closing. The last of my super bad day was the third ultra sound of Asher’s head, this time they found 2 head bleeds on each side, the good news was that neither bleed is in his brain and they are level 1 bleeds. Level one is the lowest and is most likely to resolve themselves. He will be rechecked next week and they will continue to watch his head for any growth issues. But the high of the day was that Dr E still allowed me a small amount of skin on skin contact, so for about an hour today I was allowed to have my sweet boy against my chest. Such an amazing feeling. So that was today…
But besides all of that and all the emotions that have been overwhelming me, my sweet little Asher is just such a wonder and he keeps all of us strong and looking forward to a new day. Asher has continued to still surpass expectations. He has started gaining weight YEAAAA, he now weight 2lbs 9oz. He loves his mommy’s milk and as of today they removed his pik line, so no more IV fluids. He has been spitting some up but they seem to think it is due to his cpap causing some excess air in his tummy, at this point the Doctors aren’t concerned so we will just see how is goes. In addition, the best of the best is that we have finally been able to hold our sweet little wonder…I am pretty sure besides the days my children were born and the day I married my husband, this year’s Christmas day was one of the best days ever. It started out as one of the worst and became one of the best, due to Asher’s wonderful nurse Christina. When is was my turn again to see my sweet boy (everyone came to visit on Christmas), I had the shock of my life when there was Christina holding Asher out to me and telling me Merry Christmas, I completely broke down as I held him in my arms, all the emotions that I had been holding in came pouring out but this was what I needed to get through the day, oh man did I ever need to hold that sweet boy. Saturday was also an amazing day, we had our first skin on skin. I was able to hold Asher for over an hour and it was the best feeling for both of us I think. Daddy also held Asher for the first time, the little things that parents take advantage of when you have a healthy full term baby, are now the highlights of our days. Daddy was pretty smitten, as was Asher his oxygen stayed at 100% or close to the entire time he was in daddy’s arms and that was without his Cpap on completely breathing on his own, such a good boy!
Although today was by far the hardest day so far, we have been having many good days. I should feel so lucky that so far our NICU experience has been as good as it can be, besides today. 14 good days to one bad day.
We have new picture of our sweet boy, I will get them posted as soon as possible. Another of our favorite nurses Ginger took picture of Asher while he was in daddy’s arms and printed them out, I will scan and add in the morning.
Xoxox, The Roberts

Our Holiday Miracle

We welcomed Asher Dale to the world on Dec 13th at 8:46 pm. He weighed 2 lbs 7 oz. He came out crying, which was more than relief to all of us. He is truly a miracle and we feel so blessed so have this beautiful little boy join our little family, so early and such a blessing.

Sunday the 13th started out as a typical Sunday, football and normal bed rest day until 2:00 or so when I began having some pains. I of course thought I was just uncomfy and sore from laying in bed for over 3 weeks but the pain became more intense. I called the nurse in and she set me up to the machine to check to see if I was indeed have contractions, but the machine was not showing any contractions. I called Andy and we convinced ourselves that I was not having contractions but he decided to come back up to the hospital just in case. As the pain became more intense I called the nurse again and she had the doctor come in to see me, she decided to check the baby and see if he was head down and thankfully he was. She also checked to see if I was starting to dilate but I was still elongated and cervix was completely closed. Thinking that I might just have an irritated cervix they decided to give me something to calm it down. But also move me into a labor and delivery room. During all this chaos my parents arrived with dinner…they knew I would not be eating the hospital food and my mom had made me my favorite soup, little did they know what they were about to walk into. The pains seemed to go away for a while and we all begun to think I was going to be fine, I was even able to eat dinner. But soon after the pains came back stronger then before and of course this was during the nurse change over time, not good timing on my part. During this entire time they had the contraction monitor on me but not the one that measured B2 heart rate, ummm yea. Our moms were able to find someone to come to the room, although not my nurse he tried to help me and said he would find out about the sleeping pill they wanted me to take. My “NURSE” finally came in and was still working on getting me a sleeping pill, since she said I was not having contractions, rest would be good for me. I asked her if the pain would just go away if I fell asleep… no response. Things only went from bad to worse, I could go into great detail but I get so upset when I talk about it that it is just easier to give the short version. The contractions that they said I was not having went from painful to the worst pain I had ever experienced and needless to say I became another person, I have to say that I think I may have been able to deal with the pain much better if I knew what was going on but I was told over and over that I was not having contractions…the last time the “NURSE” told me I was not having contractions was about 25 minutes before I delivered my sweet little boy, it would have been sooner but they needed me to pretty much cross my legs until the neo natal team arrived. I guess my blood curdling screams convinced her to finally to call the doctor to come and check me, and yes I was having very very hard labor and went from zero to 10 + 3 dilated in a few hours. Luckily our sweet Asher came out crying, they did not have time to set up everything so we are thankful and thankful over and over again.

Asher crying was such a good sign and from that first day has not had to be on a ventilator, which for a baby his age that is a huge accomplishment. He is currently on a nasal cpap, which just reminds him to breath, in the next week or so he should be moving to a nasal prong. This first week has been really really encouraging, the first ultra sound of his brain did not show any signs of bleeding which is by far the best indicator for a baby his age, they will do another one this upcoming week, the last few days they have been introducing breast milk to him every hour and increasing it every 12 hours, this is often a bit hard on such an immature digestive systems but so far Asher has been doing very well with this and is also finally gaining some weight back, as with all babies he lost a few ounces the first few days. During this last week we have slowly become more comfortable with seeing our child with all the wires and such hooked up to him, we have also started to take an active part during his care times. Care times are every 4 hours and during this time they take off his head gear, take his temperature, and change his diaper, oral care with breast milk, among many other things. Although they do some of these things in between those four hours, they don’t take off this head gear which is one of my highlights right now, I get to see my sweet boy. Little Asher is blonde as blonde can be…he has his sisters nose and mouth oh and her big eyes, so Asher pretty much looks like his sister but with very blonde hair. My next favorite participation is changing his diaper; they are the smallest thing I have ever seen. I made sure I took one home for his baby book that I will for sure be breaking out when he is a state champion wrestler and to show his future wife. Oral care is the also high on the list of highs, rubbing breast milk into his mouth on a qtip, he LOVES it!
Within the next few weeks they think we will be able to hold him, he just needs to get past his few spats with apnea (forgetting to breath) that he seems to have a few times a day, I am longing for this time with our baby and from everything I have heard and read this is one of the best things for premature babies.

We have been learning about the process we will be going through with our sweet boy. Although we have been given so much information and have been so over whelmed we have convinced ourselves that we have to just take each day as they are, the little accomplishments are very big during this time. Asher is such a trooper and has proved to be such a strong little guy. Although we are living day to day, we have high hopes for what is to come. We cannot say thank you enough for all the loving thoughts that have been given to our family, we cherish all the loving notes and messages.

Teeter Totter

So it seems like we are now mastering all the emotions of dealing with the ups and downs of our pregnancy. After last weeks positive ultra sound we had 2 that weren’t so good. Last Thursday the fluids were even lower than before, but luckily they spared me the bed pan. B2 continued to do well through the lack of fluid, so well in fact that they decided to perform another ultra sound on Saturday to see if we could take our sweet boy off the continuous monitoring. There is nothing painful about the continuous monitoring, it is more the stress of hearing babies heart beat 24 hours a day…every time it speeds up , slows down or just disappears you get a bit frantic. But the ultra sound didn’t show us an increase in fluid. The ultra sound also left me with me even more uneasiness, they saw some fluid around B2’s heart, they of course told me not to worry. My Doctor really is an amazing man, he has a way of calming and reassuring me but still keeping us informed. He told me not worry that they would take a closer look on Monday on the larger ultra sound machine. Although this helped me get some sleep, I was still worried and started my new worst habit “internet research”. Like my sister in law said, someone needs to take my computer away and block those sites out. They all tend to send you into somewhat of a panic. But like with all the ups and downs I tried to just look ahead and get us to the next day. Monday finally came and I was able to see our sweet boy, I swear he looks like his sister. Same nose, same big eyes…but every time I show the photos of him to anyone they wonder how I can even tell LOL but I get to see it much larger than the little pic. Not only did I see his beautiful little face but also the fluid was up, WAHOOOO and he was active as always. They also did lots of looking at his heart and weren’t too concerned; they said they would just keep an eye on it. After Mondays great day, Tuesday was good our monitoring was scaled back to just 3 or so hours a day. I had the most wonderful nurse who took the time to explain the monitoring strip to me better. The doctors and nurses kept telling me how wonderful B2 looked on the strip, but what does that mean??? So I guess during the monitoring they not only tracking the heart rate but also the variability of the rate, does it go up and down? Can baby control his heart rate if it goes up or down? Also can he keep it fairly steady? Penny (my nurse) told me that they have been getting reads off B2 that were better than most 28+ weeks olds that he was very strong for his gestational age. Happy Mommy & Daddy! But last night my excitement was once again put on the back burner. During the monitoring babies heart rate dropped a few times and didn’t recover as quickly as they like, which considering how he had been going along that was very unusual. They decided to re-hook me up to everything, so late last night my IV was put back in, but for me it was even scarier because they wanted me on oxygen too, I am not sure why that is worse than the IV fluid but it just was. They also continued to monitor the B2 for a few more hours. During the next few hours of monitoring he was fine, just as strong as always so they took me off everything and I was finally able to get some sleep. So far all the monitoring today has been good; I am currently listening to B2 but am of course obsessed at what I am hearing with the fear that something won’t sound right. Today has also brought some other worries but without getting too overly personal (please feel free to ask, just don’t want to totally freak/gross anyone out) that of course led me to the “internet research” , which once again scares me but I am now on the follow the doctors lead before overly panicking and they aren’t overly concerned so until they are I am trying my best to not be either.

Other then the somewhat emotional week, I have been able to see my sweet girl lots this week. She is staying with my parents; they had already planned to have her this week for some Holiday fun before I was in the hospital so she is still doing just that. She has gone to visit Santa and has been helping my mom with some holiday cheer, she also took a GiGi and Pops break today and spent the day with her Gramps. She melted his heart when she came out of his closet with his Homer Simpson slippers on and then she realized they were the same as the ornament, yes a Homer Simpson ornament that makes some sort of noise, grunt maybe, that Saige now imitates. He was very proud, but my mother in law not exactly enthused by the love of her “favorite” ornaments. Saige also got to go to her cousins’ school to pick them up; I bet she loved it as much as they did. My sister in law said it was all they could talk about was that Saige was coming to their School, too sweet! Tomorrow Saige has a play date, she is playing with one of my closest friends growing ups 2 little ones. I am so excited that she gets to play with them, I bet they are just a nice as there mommy and daddy (sadly I have not seen them in awhile).

Over the last 2 ½ weeks I have had so many visitors, it has really been so nice. I have had the chance to catch up with lots of Andy’s family, he has a large family with many aunts, uncles and cousins so it is hard to get to see everyone more than a few times a year but they have been coming to see me which is just the nicest thing ever, I have REALLY enjoyed it! My sister in law and I have been having coffee dates once a week, which is wonderful to actually get to sit and chat without kiddos running around. I have also had friends and lots of our good family friends (like family), including my sisters in laws and family, from Spokane that I don’t see super often come by and of course my visits from my Sandpoint “family” has been wonderful. It really means a lot that people are taking the time out of their busy lives to come see me, really helps make the time pass. I hope everyone knows how much we really appreciate all the visits and well wishes, knowing so many people are thinking about us and our sweet little boy is really such a blessing.

Mastering New Skills

Well the last few days have been filled with many ups and downs…lots of emotion but as we hoped things are again better. On Monday I had my weekly ultra sound, yea I know record amounts of ultra sounds compared to the normal one we usually get with pregnancy. But this time the news was not anywhere to as good as it was before. My fluid levels were down to 3.8 and B2 did not have any pockets of fluid around him greater than 2. I was immediately hooked back up to everything, IV Fluids, Monitors and so forth…I did luckily escape the dreaded pee pee bag (not my friend). I was not allowed to get up, I had to lie down and pretty much not move. I also made a new friend…the bed pan. Yup, I am not kidding around I had to use the bed pan, luckily I mastered it!! It proved itself very interesting but I decided to make it my master mission since I had nothing else to do and with all the liquids being pumped into me I had the opportunity! They were very nervous that B2 would get stressed due to the lack of fluid; we were once again faced with what if they need to immediately deliver and so forth. I had many questions and was pretty much an emotional mess about what would happen next. Luckily I had my wonderful mom, mother in law and a visit from a friend at just the right time to talk through the emotional time. After all the fluids and laying down, I went back for another ultra sound on Tuesday morning, after having the” bad news” ultra sound I went to alone on Monday, this time my dad and mother in law came with me for support. But the news was good, fluid has almost doubled and B2 was still as active as can be. I was now allowed to use the bathroom and take a shower…but am still not too move too much. I think the most encouraging thing is that B2 has always been great; he never varied at all he just kept on as if he had lots of fluid. Doctors were very impressed by his variable heart rate with his brain and keep saying they can’t believe he is only 25 weeks. Since he is still so strong despite all the stress on him, just shows me even that I too can be strong. What a little fighter…

Being a person who has never had any medical issues and now I live in a hospital it has been such a learning experience. I have had some of the most wonderful nurses and then some where you are just like hmmmmmm…so far the best yet has been the nurse I had a few nights ago. When she first got on shift she complained to me about how far I was from the nurses’ station and that all patients that needed this much care needed to be across from the nurses’ station, I said she was lucky she was allowed to walk some of us are stuck laying here. She carried on complaining and since this would be a bed pan night, I told her I would do my best to hold it so she wouldn’t have to come and help me. Such a good night….LOL!! Needless to say I of course had to tell my mother in law about it, who actually knows a lot of the nurses here (she works just the floor below me), so when Nancy came to see me later the next day she counted the steps from the nurses’ station... not only can I see the station from my door but it is like 20 steps from the station. The things that amuse me these days…

Tomorrow will be another ultra sound to measure B2 fluid again, pray for lots!! I will also hopefully get to see Andy and Saige, they have been home. Although hard for me I know in my heart it is best for my little princess to be in her routine and know she misses her Deb Deb and kids when she doesn’t see them. Splitting the week between Sandpoint and Spokane seems like the best answer for now.
Thanks for all the positive thoughts we appreciate it sooooo very much!
Love, Amber

Good News & Not so Good News

Monday’s big hopes of being able to possible go home were quickly shot down after another round of tests. At this point I am here until B2 decides to come...my mom brought me a calendar and according to the calendar and what our doctors are saying no longer then Feb 2nd. Only10 weeks, much better than the thought of my due date. Although not the news I wanted, we have started to adjust to accepting it as what it is, as in normal Amber style I have started to make lists of what needs to be done and what I can be doing and so forth ;-)




BUT the best news, I get to see my sweet little girl now. Due to the H1N1 and being in the high risk area, the rules said no children. First with my sweet hubby's fast & sweet talking ways, he got me wheel chair privileges to leave my room for 30 min a day to see her. But then some rules changed and if she had her H1N1shot, she could come to my room. I was quickly on the phone finding a shot, Sandpoint Pediatrics had the shot, but would not hold one for us to get her back up there (seriously, not too happy). BUT for some miracle of a way, my mom just happens to mention to my Aunt Jenni about the shot, and the doc office across the hall happen to have the shot on Tuesday...she ran over and asked if they had one for Saige and they said they did now, bring her in. So now she can come and see me as much as possible. She has no clue what is going on but none the less was her usual spunky little self...seeing her be SAIGE made things so much better.



I know I always say sisters are the BESST, because well they are: After Andy and Marci took Saige for her H1N1 on Tuesday, they made a little detour to the Airport...you got it, Tara flew in to be with us for a few days. The wonderful hospital were Tara is a resident said she could take a few days off but with the holiday week, getting a ticket was whole other issue but her good friend Ben Ward gave her miles so she could get here, is that not one of the nicest things. I am beyond thankful, having her to explain things even more to me and her support and opinion has helped enormously. Being an ob resident doctor she knows the medicine but she also knows me, which makes such a difference. I am also such a proud sister and tell all our doctors that my sister is an ob doctor too LOL!!
In a nutshell, we are adjusting to life in a bed.

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!! Love Amber

Ultra Sound

So far today has been a really positive. After our ultra sound was re-scheduled 3 times we were finally able to see our little guy. The ultra sound gave us lots of positive hope, B2 was bigger than we thought 1lb 9oz and the my fluid levels were around 10.8, a bit lower then Saturday but I guess that is normal in any pregnancy for it to vary that much. They have decided to do another exam and re-test everything; there is some hope that I might be in the small 2% that will re-seal itself. If so, it will truly be a miracle... there is even some hope that I may be able to go home, well more than likely not home home (Sandpoint) but to my parents for a while. We are now just waiting to find out when the next test will be, our fingers crossed that they are able to do it in the next day or so.
I have to say I have always wanted to get a 3D ultra sound, as most of the Sandpoint ladies know we don't get those. Never would have dreamed I would be getting one under these circumstances but none the less it was very cool, but of course the little guy would not turn his face so we could see him. But the most important thing was normal development, 10 toes and 10 fingers. The ultra sound tech gave Andy a bit of a shock for a second; she said he has 4 fingers...as in four fingers and a thumb. We now have new photos of his feet hanging on the hospital wall next to his sister’s picture.
We are still in the waiting game, but things are looking more positive then we could have even imagined. The waiting is hard, but waiting and not being able to see my sweet little girl is pretty much makes the waiting even harder. We are trying to find a way to "sneak" her in some how...luckily my mother in law works here so we may be able to bring her to her office for a quick visit. I have been able to see her sweet face through Skype, she fed me breakfast through the computer and gives me lots of kisses, it is by far the cutest thing. She is just so sweet...but hard for her to understand when we have to say goodbye. She is pretty lucky and has lots of relatives in Spokane who love her dearly, today she spent the day with her Gramps (Andy's dad) and tomorrow she will get a day with her Aunt Mar Mar, who flew in yesterday to be with me (aren’t sisters the BEST???).
We feel very blessed to have so many people who are thinking of us, it means so much.
Hopefully more good news soon...lots of love Andy and Amber

MedStar~

After what has been another easy pregnancy, blessed with the surprising news that we were would be the proud mommy, daddy & big sister to a sweet little boy, things have quickly changed. Saturday morning I woke with some dampness, being on the cautious side we called our amazing friends Nick and Jill to come stay with Saige while we went in to get checked. Being only 23 weeks, we knew that if this was amniotic fluid that would not be good. Things weren't great but still seemed pretty optimistic, Dr Santarpio (the most amazing doctor) thought it would be best to get mommy and B2 to Spokane. MedStar was sent to pick us up, how could this be happening? MEDSTAR????? We are now in the waiting game, the staff at Sacred Heart is so far amazing, and we will wait and hope for the very best for the next 48 hours. We just need our sweet little ACTIVE boy in mommy for as long as possible, and this is the place to make it happen.

This is the most I can write at the moment, more to come... lots of love!!

So the rest of our Saturday turned into information overload, the best news I got my IV and pee pee bag out, YAHOOO!! But on the serious side, we had to make lots of life changing decisions for both our little sweet boy and mommy. We are both at peace with what we have decided and are just praying I don't go into labor so that our little guy has a chance. After talking with the Newborn Specialist, Neo-Natal Specialist and our OB for today Dr Jacobs... we know at this time the best case scenario for me and B2 is sit and wait, day by day, but in terms of our little one we need to make it at least another week for him to have a chance of survival. BUT the good news, i had another ultra sound (yup, still a boy ;-)) and my amniotic fluid is increasing, when I left Sandpoint it was at a 6, first arrived in Spokane 7.3 and by last night it was 11.2 although i have still been leaking a little it just shows how strong (how could he not be, being half Hulbert & half Roberts) our sweet little boy. This gave me so much encouragement that I actually slept a few hours!! The newborn specialist was happy and very optimistic with the 6 & 7 levels, can't wait to see what he says about the 11.

At this point I am not going any where soon, as long as my fluid stays at a level where B2 can continue to grow without any issues I will be sitting in this bed for as long as he lets it be possible. yea i know, who can actually imagine me on bed rest. BUT I will get used to it and make the most of it and pray work can figure something out for me to do from darn hospital bed, my booty is already sore. I have asked Andy and my mom to bring me hand weights so I can do arm workouts and my sewing machine, might was well be some what productive.

Well i gotta go and get ready for a hot date with my hubby...SEAHAWKS in a hospital bed!!

Good Intentions

So I had REALLY good intentions of blogging and have already dropped the ball, but maybe I can redeem myself and get back on track. I imagine the most logical place to start would be a recap of the last few months....
January:
The princess turned 1 and did we ever have a party! I am not sure if she had as much fun as mommy & daddy but she was the star of the party. She was so lucky all her friends from Sandpoint came to Spokane and even her cousins from California came. It was a pretty special day and Andy and I were so excited, this was by far the BEST year of our lives!

Welcome 2009

What a year 2008 was, I guess we all must say that at the end of every year but for the Roberts this has been quite the year. Last January we welcomed our beautiful little girl Saige Clarice into the world...she came out smiling and has not stopped since. We really are blessed with the easiest baby. My hope are for all of our family & friends who we don't get too see quite as often as we like to be able to share in the happenings of our life up here in Idaho!