So I once again have not followed through with being a blogger, another week has gone by and I have not blogged. I wish I had some profound reason as so why I have not been sharing but I still feel like I am in survival mode and what gets me from one day to another is still my children. I know I need to be stronger and then more but it seems like all I can do is make it from one day to the next. As with Asher I seem to have good days and bad days but with me it is not the life or death and at the end of the day it is my JOB to be strong for my babies! I say babies, it really is my job to be strong for both of them, they both look to mommy and daddy for so many things. Although Asher depends on more than just mommy and daddy at this point for most everything, I still have to be there emotional and physically for him. My sweet girl, as dependent as she is still needs her mommy and daddy too, through all of this most would think she is just fine but through it all I can see things that most would not see but I am her mommy I know her better than anyone could ever know. She misses her home, her room and her things, she doesn’t know why mommy and daddy don’t sleep in the same bed every night and why she is not in “Idaho” not to mention why “her” baby is not in mommy’s tummy anymore and not with her but I know she will be fine and everything she knows to be normal will once again be normal, but I can’t help but wish she didn’t have to endure all she has.
Me, Us…my wonderful and sensitive husband, my rock. The rock that is hurting and nervous like me, but still holds it together for me, for us, puts up with my emotions neither pleasant nor positive at times. But none the less still loves me like no other could love another and is the most amazing father. My husband is many, many wonderful things but if being an amazing father would win any contest I think he would win, he loves both his children with all that he is and gives all he can give. I could honestly go on and on but to sum it all up, I will say day after day I am SOOO lucky and although I don’t show or say it enough, I truly know I am.
Asher Dale: Bright eyed & perfect
Last week started out as most our Mondays do, rough! But as the week progressed our sweet boy seemed to conquer every obstacle, I like to think it is in his blood. His bily-rubin dropped quickly and by Friday he was off those AWFUL lights, I am not sure why I am so anti light but it just seems so un-comfy and un-homey and for most who know me well know I pride myself in everything at my house being comfortable and my sweet boy wasn’t comfy. But now he is, mommy and GiGi shopped for the cutest and most comfy blankets around to line his bed with and so not only does he have the comfort and smells of his family but they are soft and cozy too (and does he look cute). Asher continued to do well on his Cpap and by Saturday they decided to test him out on the nasal canula, rotating him every four hours between the nasal canula and the cpap. I was excited beyond words…I just spend a wonderful day (pretty much my first away from Asher) helping my WONDERFUL friend Jill find the most amazing wedding dress and my last stop of the afternoon was a few hours with my sweet boy and too my surprise his wonderful nurse Christina (again I know, she is wonderful) had sweet little Asher on his nasal canula and in his jayjay’s (what Saige calls her jammies), first time he had a full outfit on. TOO CUTE, but too funny I was so excited and my mom had stepped out of his room and Christina was at lunch so I freaked out and glowed all alone, but none the less it was beyond words. Over the next few days I was able to see his face, some of swelling went down and for once we were able to see his SWEET beautiful face. He is just so beautiful; my heart just melts at the sight of his big eyes. Looking into those eyes is beyond words and the fact that he will look to me as I speak is just amazing and to think he should just be in my tummy growing and I am actually looking at him and getting to know him already is just amazing! Monday morning brought more good news, we had another ultra sound of his head and the two head bleeds they had seen last week were watered down, I have tried to look this up without much luck so in my UN-medical opinion they are starting to shrink and DR E said that if it put me at ease they would do another ultra sound on Monday but if I was ok with this weeks we would wait a while…hmmm do you think he has already gathered that I am emotional and a bit neurotic? So we of course will be doing another ultra sound this next Monday. But as I was really feeling overly confident that we were not going to have any more down days, late Monday comes and as well as Asher had been doing on his time with the nasal canula, he started to poop out. Monday night was not a good night and Asher had many episodes of apnea and some were so bad that they almost had to put him on a ventilator. I wish I could say that I took it lightly but if we were going to have to take any steps back that would be one of the worst ones at this point. But luckily he recovered and by last night was again doing wonderfully, but is still only on the cpap. Asher has also been gaining weight every day, some days not as much as others but is still adding on the oz’s, I try to keep everything into perspective so 3 lbs is the goal! I think once we reach 3 lbs I am going to celebrate, seems like so little but for us it is such a milestone.
Much love, The Roberts
0 comments:
Post a Comment