3 Steps Back

My Thoughts and Feelings:
I can shed tears over the fact that I came home without my sweet little boy, or I can be thankful that he is in the NICU and under the care of skilled doctors and nurses--which is exactly where he needs to be right now.

I can wish that our holidays would have been "merrier" and that my family could have been together, or I can choose to be thankful for the gift of my sweet little boy and precious little girl and all of our family and friends that have held our hands and given all the words and encouragement we need.

I can stress out about leaving Saige at different places every day so we can go to the hospital, or I can be thankful that she is being loved by grandparents and friends and getting to know them even better.

I can feel like a bad mom for multiple reasons (like not feeling strong enough or not spending enough time with Saige or Asher, feeling like it's my fault Asher came early even though there is no explanation), or I can be thankful for the blessings of children and pray for strength and wisdom to raise them to be amazing.

Asher Dale: Strength to Grow, to Learn

As the doctors had warned many times, our journey in the NICU would be a roller coaster ride. I had been feeling so confident for a while that we were going to skip that ride and just sail through this and go home in record time. I guess that was me being wishful and hopeful, all of things I still am but now I am having to adjust to being on the roller coaster. The last few days have been trying but luckily Andy was here with me to talk with the doctors. With him by my side I am much better at holding it together and not breaking down in front of the staff, I am able to hold it in until they get to the door.

Day 27-29 have turned out to be quite trying for our sweet boy. Friday they had been concerned that he might be getting an infections due to the increased episodes of Apnea but all his blood tests came back negative but were scheduled to re-test on Saturday morning. They also changed out all of his CPAP tubing and such, which seemed to causing some water to back up and go into his nose. This seemed to help his episodes quite a bit; everything seemed more mechanical as opposed to him being sick. Asher blood tests on Saturday showed an increase that he might be getting an infection. Too take precautious measures they started him on 2 different anti-biotics, which was heart breaking to see him now have IVs back in is little body, I was very glad they decide to start them just in case as opposed to watching the levels for a bit. His tummy was also starting to get very bloated and he was not digesting his food as well as he was previously, this could also be a sign of an infection. The decision was made to stop all feedings and start him on IV fluids and nutrients. During this time he also lost 2 oz, that may not seem like a lot but at this point every weight gain is SOOO important and we are far from packing on the pounds at this point. But as the weekend came to an end and my tears dried up, Asher also proved to be the little fighter that we have been thinking he was.

Day 30 was a much better day, but Asher’s red blood cell count was down pretty low. Not low enough to transfuse him but if it went down anymore that would be the next step. Asher’s uncle was ready to give him blood if needed so Asher would not have to get a strangers blood (amazing family we have, so lucky). Our doctor ordered for another lab test on Tuesday checking these levels again, Asher had increased his red blood cell count by over 2pts and so he would not need the transfusion. It was VERY encouraging when Dr B, who is not the touchy feely kind, told me that in majority of preemies born as early as Asher they expect to see infections and blood transfusions at least once if not many times. But he keeps surprising us all!

Day 31 & 32 have been VERY good days. Asher has had less apnea and has even gained some weight without mommy’s food; he is now tipping the scale at 2lbs 13.7oz. I really am having a 3lb party, no joke!! Since things have been going so well Doctor decided to slowly restart his feedings again, my hope is that by the weekend we can hold him again. We have not been able to hold him in over and week, such a heart breaking experience to not be able to hold your newborn but I know they know so I do my best to make the most of it. I spend most days sitting next to his isolate with the lid cracked talking to him and rubbing his back, legs, hands or head. He has really started to take on more traits of an actual newborn, making sweet little noises and is even crying louder and with more umph~ what mommy says she LOVES to hear her baby cry?? Weird I know but it is such a joy that he is maturing enough to cry! The gestational age of Asher is 31 weeks, almost 32 and sucking is something that you have to somewhat teach preemies so we have also been practicing that, he is really starting to get it and it is so cute! Oh yea, I have now officially been broken into being a mommy of a little boy…that little guy went pee pee on his mommy. He got me and his whole bed, pretty funny for Asher’s nurse who got to watch the show.

With a little luck we will get past all these bumps and continue on the road home, to “Idaho” as Saige would say.

Saige Clarice

My beautiful little girl will be turning 2 this weekend, I can’t believe it. She is very excited and knows it is her birthday and sings part of “Happy Birthday”. We are having more of a low key party at home in Sandpoint, the plan was to do some sledding but the weather had made me think of plan B. Not sure what that is quite yet but none the less know we will be having a good day. Last year I did her party on her actual birthday and felt like I barely got to spend any time with her, so this year I planned it for the day before and then on her actual birthday 17th, we will head back to Spokane for some fun! I am going to also see about her getting a peek at Asher, she would be pretty excited. She says his name all the time but now calls him “Asher Dale” and knows he is her brother. Amazing how much a 2 year old can actually understand about what is going on. She amazes me every day and just melts my heart with her kind words and sweet things she does for mommy. I need to take a video of her watching videos of Asher, beyond sweet and loving!

Lots of loves, The Roberts

My Sweet & Amazing Friend

I needed to take the time to share some very sad news, my sweet friend Rachel tragically passed away on Monday.  Rachel was only 18 years old and a freshman on U of I with many academic scholarships, she was an amazing young women.  Rachel was this sweet teenager that I became very close with over the last 3 years, her mom and I worked together. She was truly an amazing girl, she had such drive to do amazing things.  She was unlike any teenager I have ever met and it was truly an honor to have had her be apart of my family.  She will always hold a very special place in my heart.  Please keep her family in your thoughts and prayers!
xoxox Amber

Big Sister * Little Brother

My Thoughts and Feelings:
So I once again have not followed through with being a blogger, another week has gone by and I have not blogged. I wish I had some profound reason as so why I have not been sharing but I still feel like I am in survival mode and what gets me from one day to another is still my children. I know I need to be stronger and then more but it seems like all I can do is make it from one day to the next. As with Asher I seem to have good days and bad days but with me it is not the life or death and at the end of the day it is my JOB to be strong for my babies! I say babies, it really is my job to be strong for both of them, they both look to mommy and daddy for so many things. Although Asher depends on more than just mommy and daddy at this point for most everything, I still have to be there emotional and physically for him. My sweet girl, as dependent as she is still needs her mommy and daddy too, through all of this most would think she is just fine but through it all I can see things that most would not see but I am her mommy I know her better than anyone could ever know. She misses her home, her room and her things, she doesn’t know why mommy and daddy don’t sleep in the same bed every night and why she is not in “Idaho” not to mention why “her” baby is not in mommy’s tummy anymore and not with her but I know she will be fine and everything she knows to be normal will once again be normal, but I can’t help but wish she didn’t have to endure all she has.

Me, Us…my wonderful and sensitive husband, my rock. The rock that is hurting and nervous like me, but still holds it together for me, for us, puts up with my emotions neither pleasant nor positive at times. But none the less still loves me like no other could love another and is the most amazing father. My husband is many, many wonderful things but if being an amazing father would win any contest I think he would win, he loves both his children with all that he is and gives all he can give. I could honestly go on and on but to sum it all up, I will say day after day I am SOOO lucky and although I don’t show or say it enough, I truly know I am.
Asher Dale: Bright eyed & perfect
Last week started out as most our Mondays do, rough! But as the week progressed our sweet boy seemed to conquer every obstacle, I like to think it is in his blood. His bily-rubin dropped quickly and by Friday he was off those AWFUL lights, I am not sure why I am so anti light but it just seems so un-comfy and un-homey and for most who know me well know I pride myself in everything at my house being comfortable and my sweet boy wasn’t comfy. But now he is, mommy and GiGi shopped for the cutest and most comfy blankets around to line his bed with and so not only does he have the comfort and smells of his family but they are soft and cozy too (and does he look cute). Asher continued to do well on his Cpap and by Saturday they decided to test him out on the nasal canula, rotating him every four hours between the nasal canula and the cpap. I was excited beyond words…I just spend a wonderful day (pretty much my first away from Asher) helping my WONDERFUL friend Jill find the most amazing wedding dress and my last stop of the afternoon was a few hours with my sweet boy and too my surprise his wonderful nurse Christina (again I know, she is wonderful) had sweet little Asher on his nasal canula and in his jayjay’s (what Saige calls her jammies), first time he had a full outfit on. TOO CUTE, but too funny I was so excited and my mom had stepped out of his room and Christina was at lunch so I freaked out and glowed all alone, but none the less it was beyond words. Over the next few days I was able to see his face, some of swelling went down and for once we were able to see his SWEET beautiful face. He is just so beautiful; my heart just melts at the sight of his big eyes. Looking into those eyes is beyond words and the fact that he will look to me as I speak is just amazing and to think he should just be in my tummy growing and I am actually looking at him and getting to know him already is just amazing! Monday morning brought more good news, we had another ultra sound of his head and the two head bleeds they had seen last week were watered down, I have tried to look this up without much luck so in my UN-medical opinion they are starting to shrink and DR E said that if it put me at ease they would do another ultra sound on Monday but if I was ok with this weeks we would wait a while…hmmm do you think he has already gathered that I am emotional and a bit neurotic? So we of course will be doing another ultra sound this next Monday. But as I was really feeling overly confident that we were not going to have any more down days, late Monday comes and as well as Asher had been doing on his time with the nasal canula, he started to poop out. Monday night was not a good night and Asher had many episodes of apnea and some were so bad that they almost had to put him on a ventilator. I wish I could say that I took it lightly but if we were going to have to take any steps back that would be one of the worst ones at this point. But luckily he recovered and by last night was again doing wonderfully, but is still only on the cpap. Asher has also been gaining weight every day, some days not as much as others but is still adding on the oz’s, I try to keep everything into perspective so 3 lbs is the goal! I think once we reach 3 lbs I am going to celebrate, seems like so little but for us it is such a milestone.
Much love, The Roberts

Strong Boy

My feelings and thoughts:
I think over the last week things have really started to set in for me about having a child who is in the hospital. None of us ever imagine what it will be like to have to go and visit your child in the hospital day after day, make phone calls to check in before you go to bed and first thing you do in the mornings, sleep so little and lightly in fear that you will miss your phone ringing. I never imagined having to do this and then to keep strong and stay positive when all you are is afraid. But just when I am at breaking point or breaking, something wonderful happens that again lifts my spirits and helps me to realize that I have to be strong and positive regardless of hard each day is. Christmas morning was a real breaking point for me, I am not sure what set it off or what happened but all I could do was cry. I just wanted my sweet daughter to spend Christmas with her brother, I wanted my sweet boy in my tummy or home with our family, I didn’t want to be in the hospital celebrating his first Christmas I wanted him to be home. My baby was almost 2 weeks old, I had not held him close to me or kissed his sweet face, we hadn’t snuggled up close and looked into each other’s eyes…why did this happen to us? He is just so sweet and does not deserve to be alone and hooked up to all these machines, I just want you to come home.
Asher Dale: fortuate, blessed, happy
I had intended to start sharing all the milestones we have met, but since today was our first “down” day since he was born I need to start with today. As I was heading to the hospital today, DR E called me to give me an update on Asher…he wanted me to know that Asher was back under the billi rubin lights. Last week his levels were down to a 2 so they removed all the lights and placed him in a different bed, he was also finally able to wear little shirts and be swaddled, we were so excited. But his levels were up to a 9, a level they are able to manage with light therapy but still fairly high (a level of 11 is when there is more concern), although this might not be a huge setback if the therapy works it is still so hard to see your poor baby just lying there under these lights, he looks so uncomfortable. He has grown so used to being all swaddled up and cozy. This was also a setback due to the fact that I had my first skin to skin session with Asher on Saturday, it was the most amazing experience and I was looking forward to sitting with him against me for the most part of today but with the light therapy he is only to be out of the lights for an hour per day. Dr E also heard a bit of a murmur in his heart and ordered an EKG for today, one of our nurses had actually told us she thought she had heard one a few days ago so we knew that this was a possibility. My fear was that the Patent Ductus Arteriosus (PDA) was not or had not closed properly and that he might need surgery or worse. But the good news was that after many hours of waiting, Asher received his EKG and the PDA is closing properly and is almost closed which is part of which is causing the murmur something about the valves echoing off one another so at this point they will not have to do anything but wait to make sure if finishes closing. The last of my super bad day was the third ultra sound of Asher’s head, this time they found 2 head bleeds on each side, the good news was that neither bleed is in his brain and they are level 1 bleeds. Level one is the lowest and is most likely to resolve themselves. He will be rechecked next week and they will continue to watch his head for any growth issues. But the high of the day was that Dr E still allowed me a small amount of skin on skin contact, so for about an hour today I was allowed to have my sweet boy against my chest. Such an amazing feeling. So that was today…
But besides all of that and all the emotions that have been overwhelming me, my sweet little Asher is just such a wonder and he keeps all of us strong and looking forward to a new day. Asher has continued to still surpass expectations. He has started gaining weight YEAAAA, he now weight 2lbs 9oz. He loves his mommy’s milk and as of today they removed his pik line, so no more IV fluids. He has been spitting some up but they seem to think it is due to his cpap causing some excess air in his tummy, at this point the Doctors aren’t concerned so we will just see how is goes. In addition, the best of the best is that we have finally been able to hold our sweet little wonder…I am pretty sure besides the days my children were born and the day I married my husband, this year’s Christmas day was one of the best days ever. It started out as one of the worst and became one of the best, due to Asher’s wonderful nurse Christina. When is was my turn again to see my sweet boy (everyone came to visit on Christmas), I had the shock of my life when there was Christina holding Asher out to me and telling me Merry Christmas, I completely broke down as I held him in my arms, all the emotions that I had been holding in came pouring out but this was what I needed to get through the day, oh man did I ever need to hold that sweet boy. Saturday was also an amazing day, we had our first skin on skin. I was able to hold Asher for over an hour and it was the best feeling for both of us I think. Daddy also held Asher for the first time, the little things that parents take advantage of when you have a healthy full term baby, are now the highlights of our days. Daddy was pretty smitten, as was Asher his oxygen stayed at 100% or close to the entire time he was in daddy’s arms and that was without his Cpap on completely breathing on his own, such a good boy!
Although today was by far the hardest day so far, we have been having many good days. I should feel so lucky that so far our NICU experience has been as good as it can be, besides today. 14 good days to one bad day.
We have new picture of our sweet boy, I will get them posted as soon as possible. Another of our favorite nurses Ginger took picture of Asher while he was in daddy’s arms and printed them out, I will scan and add in the morning.
Xoxox, The Roberts

Our Holiday Miracle

We welcomed Asher Dale to the world on Dec 13th at 8:46 pm. He weighed 2 lbs 7 oz. He came out crying, which was more than relief to all of us. He is truly a miracle and we feel so blessed so have this beautiful little boy join our little family, so early and such a blessing.

Sunday the 13th started out as a typical Sunday, football and normal bed rest day until 2:00 or so when I began having some pains. I of course thought I was just uncomfy and sore from laying in bed for over 3 weeks but the pain became more intense. I called the nurse in and she set me up to the machine to check to see if I was indeed have contractions, but the machine was not showing any contractions. I called Andy and we convinced ourselves that I was not having contractions but he decided to come back up to the hospital just in case. As the pain became more intense I called the nurse again and she had the doctor come in to see me, she decided to check the baby and see if he was head down and thankfully he was. She also checked to see if I was starting to dilate but I was still elongated and cervix was completely closed. Thinking that I might just have an irritated cervix they decided to give me something to calm it down. But also move me into a labor and delivery room. During all this chaos my parents arrived with dinner…they knew I would not be eating the hospital food and my mom had made me my favorite soup, little did they know what they were about to walk into. The pains seemed to go away for a while and we all begun to think I was going to be fine, I was even able to eat dinner. But soon after the pains came back stronger then before and of course this was during the nurse change over time, not good timing on my part. During this entire time they had the contraction monitor on me but not the one that measured B2 heart rate, ummm yea. Our moms were able to find someone to come to the room, although not my nurse he tried to help me and said he would find out about the sleeping pill they wanted me to take. My “NURSE” finally came in and was still working on getting me a sleeping pill, since she said I was not having contractions, rest would be good for me. I asked her if the pain would just go away if I fell asleep… no response. Things only went from bad to worse, I could go into great detail but I get so upset when I talk about it that it is just easier to give the short version. The contractions that they said I was not having went from painful to the worst pain I had ever experienced and needless to say I became another person, I have to say that I think I may have been able to deal with the pain much better if I knew what was going on but I was told over and over that I was not having contractions…the last time the “NURSE” told me I was not having contractions was about 25 minutes before I delivered my sweet little boy, it would have been sooner but they needed me to pretty much cross my legs until the neo natal team arrived. I guess my blood curdling screams convinced her to finally to call the doctor to come and check me, and yes I was having very very hard labor and went from zero to 10 + 3 dilated in a few hours. Luckily our sweet Asher came out crying, they did not have time to set up everything so we are thankful and thankful over and over again.

Asher crying was such a good sign and from that first day has not had to be on a ventilator, which for a baby his age that is a huge accomplishment. He is currently on a nasal cpap, which just reminds him to breath, in the next week or so he should be moving to a nasal prong. This first week has been really really encouraging, the first ultra sound of his brain did not show any signs of bleeding which is by far the best indicator for a baby his age, they will do another one this upcoming week, the last few days they have been introducing breast milk to him every hour and increasing it every 12 hours, this is often a bit hard on such an immature digestive systems but so far Asher has been doing very well with this and is also finally gaining some weight back, as with all babies he lost a few ounces the first few days. During this last week we have slowly become more comfortable with seeing our child with all the wires and such hooked up to him, we have also started to take an active part during his care times. Care times are every 4 hours and during this time they take off his head gear, take his temperature, and change his diaper, oral care with breast milk, among many other things. Although they do some of these things in between those four hours, they don’t take off this head gear which is one of my highlights right now, I get to see my sweet boy. Little Asher is blonde as blonde can be…he has his sisters nose and mouth oh and her big eyes, so Asher pretty much looks like his sister but with very blonde hair. My next favorite participation is changing his diaper; they are the smallest thing I have ever seen. I made sure I took one home for his baby book that I will for sure be breaking out when he is a state champion wrestler and to show his future wife. Oral care is the also high on the list of highs, rubbing breast milk into his mouth on a qtip, he LOVES it!
Within the next few weeks they think we will be able to hold him, he just needs to get past his few spats with apnea (forgetting to breath) that he seems to have a few times a day, I am longing for this time with our baby and from everything I have heard and read this is one of the best things for premature babies.

We have been learning about the process we will be going through with our sweet boy. Although we have been given so much information and have been so over whelmed we have convinced ourselves that we have to just take each day as they are, the little accomplishments are very big during this time. Asher is such a trooper and has proved to be such a strong little guy. Although we are living day to day, we have high hopes for what is to come. We cannot say thank you enough for all the loving thoughts that have been given to our family, we cherish all the loving notes and messages.

Teeter Totter

So it seems like we are now mastering all the emotions of dealing with the ups and downs of our pregnancy. After last weeks positive ultra sound we had 2 that weren’t so good. Last Thursday the fluids were even lower than before, but luckily they spared me the bed pan. B2 continued to do well through the lack of fluid, so well in fact that they decided to perform another ultra sound on Saturday to see if we could take our sweet boy off the continuous monitoring. There is nothing painful about the continuous monitoring, it is more the stress of hearing babies heart beat 24 hours a day…every time it speeds up , slows down or just disappears you get a bit frantic. But the ultra sound didn’t show us an increase in fluid. The ultra sound also left me with me even more uneasiness, they saw some fluid around B2’s heart, they of course told me not to worry. My Doctor really is an amazing man, he has a way of calming and reassuring me but still keeping us informed. He told me not worry that they would take a closer look on Monday on the larger ultra sound machine. Although this helped me get some sleep, I was still worried and started my new worst habit “internet research”. Like my sister in law said, someone needs to take my computer away and block those sites out. They all tend to send you into somewhat of a panic. But like with all the ups and downs I tried to just look ahead and get us to the next day. Monday finally came and I was able to see our sweet boy, I swear he looks like his sister. Same nose, same big eyes…but every time I show the photos of him to anyone they wonder how I can even tell LOL but I get to see it much larger than the little pic. Not only did I see his beautiful little face but also the fluid was up, WAHOOOO and he was active as always. They also did lots of looking at his heart and weren’t too concerned; they said they would just keep an eye on it. After Mondays great day, Tuesday was good our monitoring was scaled back to just 3 or so hours a day. I had the most wonderful nurse who took the time to explain the monitoring strip to me better. The doctors and nurses kept telling me how wonderful B2 looked on the strip, but what does that mean??? So I guess during the monitoring they not only tracking the heart rate but also the variability of the rate, does it go up and down? Can baby control his heart rate if it goes up or down? Also can he keep it fairly steady? Penny (my nurse) told me that they have been getting reads off B2 that were better than most 28+ weeks olds that he was very strong for his gestational age. Happy Mommy & Daddy! But last night my excitement was once again put on the back burner. During the monitoring babies heart rate dropped a few times and didn’t recover as quickly as they like, which considering how he had been going along that was very unusual. They decided to re-hook me up to everything, so late last night my IV was put back in, but for me it was even scarier because they wanted me on oxygen too, I am not sure why that is worse than the IV fluid but it just was. They also continued to monitor the B2 for a few more hours. During the next few hours of monitoring he was fine, just as strong as always so they took me off everything and I was finally able to get some sleep. So far all the monitoring today has been good; I am currently listening to B2 but am of course obsessed at what I am hearing with the fear that something won’t sound right. Today has also brought some other worries but without getting too overly personal (please feel free to ask, just don’t want to totally freak/gross anyone out) that of course led me to the “internet research” , which once again scares me but I am now on the follow the doctors lead before overly panicking and they aren’t overly concerned so until they are I am trying my best to not be either.

Other then the somewhat emotional week, I have been able to see my sweet girl lots this week. She is staying with my parents; they had already planned to have her this week for some Holiday fun before I was in the hospital so she is still doing just that. She has gone to visit Santa and has been helping my mom with some holiday cheer, she also took a GiGi and Pops break today and spent the day with her Gramps. She melted his heart when she came out of his closet with his Homer Simpson slippers on and then she realized they were the same as the ornament, yes a Homer Simpson ornament that makes some sort of noise, grunt maybe, that Saige now imitates. He was very proud, but my mother in law not exactly enthused by the love of her “favorite” ornaments. Saige also got to go to her cousins’ school to pick them up; I bet she loved it as much as they did. My sister in law said it was all they could talk about was that Saige was coming to their School, too sweet! Tomorrow Saige has a play date, she is playing with one of my closest friends growing ups 2 little ones. I am so excited that she gets to play with them, I bet they are just a nice as there mommy and daddy (sadly I have not seen them in awhile).

Over the last 2 ½ weeks I have had so many visitors, it has really been so nice. I have had the chance to catch up with lots of Andy’s family, he has a large family with many aunts, uncles and cousins so it is hard to get to see everyone more than a few times a year but they have been coming to see me which is just the nicest thing ever, I have REALLY enjoyed it! My sister in law and I have been having coffee dates once a week, which is wonderful to actually get to sit and chat without kiddos running around. I have also had friends and lots of our good family friends (like family), including my sisters in laws and family, from Spokane that I don’t see super often come by and of course my visits from my Sandpoint “family” has been wonderful. It really means a lot that people are taking the time out of their busy lives to come see me, really helps make the time pass. I hope everyone knows how much we really appreciate all the visits and well wishes, knowing so many people are thinking about us and our sweet little boy is really such a blessing.

Mastering New Skills

Well the last few days have been filled with many ups and downs…lots of emotion but as we hoped things are again better. On Monday I had my weekly ultra sound, yea I know record amounts of ultra sounds compared to the normal one we usually get with pregnancy. But this time the news was not anywhere to as good as it was before. My fluid levels were down to 3.8 and B2 did not have any pockets of fluid around him greater than 2. I was immediately hooked back up to everything, IV Fluids, Monitors and so forth…I did luckily escape the dreaded pee pee bag (not my friend). I was not allowed to get up, I had to lie down and pretty much not move. I also made a new friend…the bed pan. Yup, I am not kidding around I had to use the bed pan, luckily I mastered it!! It proved itself very interesting but I decided to make it my master mission since I had nothing else to do and with all the liquids being pumped into me I had the opportunity! They were very nervous that B2 would get stressed due to the lack of fluid; we were once again faced with what if they need to immediately deliver and so forth. I had many questions and was pretty much an emotional mess about what would happen next. Luckily I had my wonderful mom, mother in law and a visit from a friend at just the right time to talk through the emotional time. After all the fluids and laying down, I went back for another ultra sound on Tuesday morning, after having the” bad news” ultra sound I went to alone on Monday, this time my dad and mother in law came with me for support. But the news was good, fluid has almost doubled and B2 was still as active as can be. I was now allowed to use the bathroom and take a shower…but am still not too move too much. I think the most encouraging thing is that B2 has always been great; he never varied at all he just kept on as if he had lots of fluid. Doctors were very impressed by his variable heart rate with his brain and keep saying they can’t believe he is only 25 weeks. Since he is still so strong despite all the stress on him, just shows me even that I too can be strong. What a little fighter…

Being a person who has never had any medical issues and now I live in a hospital it has been such a learning experience. I have had some of the most wonderful nurses and then some where you are just like hmmmmmm…so far the best yet has been the nurse I had a few nights ago. When she first got on shift she complained to me about how far I was from the nurses’ station and that all patients that needed this much care needed to be across from the nurses’ station, I said she was lucky she was allowed to walk some of us are stuck laying here. She carried on complaining and since this would be a bed pan night, I told her I would do my best to hold it so she wouldn’t have to come and help me. Such a good night….LOL!! Needless to say I of course had to tell my mother in law about it, who actually knows a lot of the nurses here (she works just the floor below me), so when Nancy came to see me later the next day she counted the steps from the nurses’ station... not only can I see the station from my door but it is like 20 steps from the station. The things that amuse me these days…

Tomorrow will be another ultra sound to measure B2 fluid again, pray for lots!! I will also hopefully get to see Andy and Saige, they have been home. Although hard for me I know in my heart it is best for my little princess to be in her routine and know she misses her Deb Deb and kids when she doesn’t see them. Splitting the week between Sandpoint and Spokane seems like the best answer for now.
Thanks for all the positive thoughts we appreciate it sooooo very much!
Love, Amber